Friday, April 08, 2005

TF poem 4/6/05

The wings of my love flutter in unison with the beat of your heart, Creating a passion that cannot be closed, smashed or broken. Through the best and the worst, we will be together always. There is no challenge life can throw us that we cannot overcome. Love is a force of passion and power, not meant for the emotionally numb. A simple kiss, the most caring gesture one can share with another echoes our love throughout the twisted corridors of life and reverberates it for the whole world to hear, So help me proclaim our love, celebrate it and worry not, for I see no end. Smile together with me and shed not another tear. Our love is still a ladder and further up we climb, seeing no end. We may fall down now and again, but we can always climb back up. I love you forever and for always. I'm very much looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you.


Why..... Do you feel the NEED to make me feel stupid?

I hope that it really does something for you. I hope you feel freaking PEACHY because of my saddend heart. I hope you feel like GOD because you have the POWER to make me feel these ways. you feel the NEED to make me feel worthless?

Is a feeling only you bring back from the dead. It haunts me at night... it sneaks up behind me during the day. Its a thought....a feeling..... thats un-describingly painful. Like piercing my heart with a broken broomstick.

I am weak....I am stupid.... I am not in control..... Something eats at my core.... it's making me sick.... and theres only one way to heal it.... and he knows who he is.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Help? Please....NOW...!

My body is shaking eruptly....
My heart feels like its spinning on the tilt-a-whirl from....ahem....
Mood swings....are...hurting me....
Broken trust....
My fear wilts away....

-Trust for People...all people....

I wish I could throw all of those things into a bag and BURN THEM.

Why should I care? All I do is get hurt and decieved.
Why should I fear anyone? Whats the worst you can do? Kill me?
Why do I hate? I have no clue, but its there, supressed inside me.
Why should I like anything? Nothing likes me...
Why do I love? I don't know why, but its feeling that I can't help, and sometimes I let it consume me. But I love having it around. I love you TF. Forever..unless I screw it up again.
Why do I dislike? Because people treat me like TRASH.
Why should I trust anyone? So you can screw me around? No I guess I'm the idiot that does that one.
Why should I care? Caring is SO out of style.
Why do I feel pain? Sometimes it really drives me up the wall..but that pain starts feeling good....

I was feeling very....depressed....for awhile tonite.... I just needed a release...I'm happy I have all these feelings...they keep me alive...they keep me sane....rather I like it or not...they keep me human....they keep me in line....they are my rules in a sense...

Love is Like...

Love is like an open window letting in a breeze,
Love is like a never ending hoop of emotions,
Love is like every begining,
Love is like every end,
Love is like the innocence of life just born,
Love is like finding a rainbow after lifes storms,
Love is like the thundering sound of total silence,
Love is like the sound of music floating around,
Love is like a kitten purring softly in your ear,
Love is like a never ending line of desire,
Love is like a string of audity,
Love is a feeling,
Not a toy,
Not a game,
It's not buyable,
And you can't go look for it...

Sunday, April 03, 2005

What the heck is wrong with you?

Ok. I figured it out about a year ago. I never got that pony my mommy and daddy always promised me. Thats my problem! Bottom line. Speaking of ponys, I have my this years Christmas list started. I got a couple of them watching Ju-On, the Japenese version of The Grudge.(by the way, TumorBoy says 2 of 5 tumors)

- A pony, still.
- A Japenese Grandma; they are cool looking.
- A barbie dreamhouse =D j/k
- A blue ghost midgit.

***RANDOM FACT*** Did you know online you can rent a midgit for $10,000 dollars? I want one!!!

The Tampon Fairy

I know you all are wondering "who the %*$# is the Tampon Fairy" Well I shall tell you =D

Hes my boyfriend of 6 months. We went out once before, but I got mad, and made a UH OH! We went out 7 months that time. I felt so bad... I was just in a bad mood, parents going through divorce, and I was locking it all up inside. = (

Everyone thinks we are PERFEKT for eachother =)and...well...I agree! We share so many interests and I love him very much. He is SO smart, but wastes it. His schooling is doing better now. His mom isn't always....there....ya know? It happens, but I still love her just the same, and I know he does too. Even though he wants to keep all of his hatred in, I can see it. Its like a funeral smile on his face. But, hes a guy it just me or do almost all guys try to be emotionless? But I know him better than that; we talk. I'm so sensitive, and hes always there. Making me feel so much better. The other day I was in tears, which is unusual for him. I try not to be THAT emotional, but I am. He is so understanding. Hes knows that I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night. Sometimes I sit in my room alone, writing, or staring at the wall. Why? I don't know. I think I want to go back to counselling. My doctor there made me touch with who I am, just as TF does.

I love you TF.

People...die....People...lie... People move...People Change their mind. If we ever do... I hope we are still friends... forever. But more than anything I want us to be together in love 4ever!


What am I again... Changing... Making wrong decisions. But, I'm greatful my dad now has something to do with my life. He used to work....PERIOD! If I wanted something I was on my own, or I had to get my mom (CT) to help me. Thank the Lord my dad changed and now sees me as an individual, not a piece of trash, like he used to make me feel. I know he never hated me or anything, but actions speak louder than words... I mean just because like 2 times a week he told me he loved me, I was expected to believe it... Riiight.... Well, its great I can talk to him about stuff now. I used to be so alone... so far away from my family. I didn't want to talk to my mom about my dad, because she would tell him and he would get mad I thought he hated me.

What has he taught me? The things he tells me is stuff I can't repeat. Not that I don't want to, I'm like incapable. He inserts new feeling into my heart. My heart reminds me not to lie.... not to cheat... not to "screw my dad around", as he puts it. Why would I want to ruin the trust he has in me and TF? It makes no sense, but without thought I continously do it. Now I have to miss the concert tomarrow night, all because my mind was temporarily on a coffee break or something. He is going to talk to us both today, which sure, makes me nervous, but I think it is for the best...

Thats all I wanna say 4 now...I have a headache...=P

-Camel Tot-